


Honeyed Dormice

by Icka M Chif (mischif)



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Blanket Permission, Canon Queer Character, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, Nonbinary Character, POV Outsider, Pizza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 01:11:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19897411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischif/pseuds/Icka%20M%20Chif
Summary: Outsider POV.Crowley enjoys bizzare pizza toppings, gender nonconformity, and taking his Angel out on strangely romantic dates.





	Honeyed Dormice

“Alex! The Creepy-Crawley dude is back!” Jan called from the front counter just as Alexis put a pie in the large oven to bake. Alexis glanced over to see the lanky goth dude look annoyed behind the big sunglasses he always wore. 

“It’s _Crowley_!” He insisted, looking affronted. 

Jan just wrinkled her nose and backed off, not wanting to have anything to do with any ‘creepy crawley’ pizza orders Crowley placed. 

Sure, they advertised that they’d put anything on a pizza, but mealworms, crickets, and grasshoppers were _not_ standard pizza toppings. At least Crowley brought the latter in dead and not moving. Jan still hadn’t gotten over the wiggling pizza toppings. 

Alexis didn’t mind so much. Jan usually made her deal with the weirder customers since most people thought Alexis was a guy, and it took a lot to make her flinch. And while Crowley’s toppings were weird, he was at least polite about it. 

And he’d really enjoyed the cricket pizza, devouring two slices before leaving the shop. Alexis was pretty sure that he hadn’t even stop to chew, just swallowed them down like a snake. 

“S’up?” Alexis said, stepping up to the cash register. Crowley always dressed in black, but there was a certain flair to it that he made look effortless. “Hey, my girlfriend has that vest.” 

Crowley ran a hand down the low cut vest. “What does she pair it with?” He asked, sounding curious. “Been thinking about a skirt, but not sure what would work.”

Alexis let out a thoughtful noise, mentally rewriting a few things about the mysterious goth, and mentally kicking herself, feeling like she should have recognized a fellow non-binary. Come to think of it, she recognized the scarf and jeans from the women’s section. Not so sure on the serpent belt though. 

“She wears it with a pencil skirt, but for you? Something short.” She decided. Unlike her blonde curvy girlfriend, Crowley was practically a beanpole, but had legs for days. “Pleats, maybe?” 

“Kilt?” One eyebrow rose behind the sunglasses. 

“Shorter than that, but something with swish.” Give the illusion of hips anyway. 

“Hm.” Crowley thought it over. “Bit Scottish-looking, that. Get bagpipes stuck in people’s heads for days. I like it! You are officially one of my favourite people.” 

The delighted grin they gave her looked like there should be sharp teeth involved and she has the sudden feeling that she’s been blessed by something. Not sure what, but _something_. Like the ‘May you live in interesting times’ sort of way. A shiver went down her back and it took a moment to get back on track. 

“What kind of pizza do you want this time?” Alexis asked. Crowley usually got a medium, just for themselves, and her finger hovered above the button. 

“Extra large.” Crowley nodded, then seemingly pulled a plastic container from either thin air or from behind their back. One moment they had empty hands, the next they didn’t. Crowley set it on the counter and Alexis looked at it, trying to determine if anything was moving through the transparent sides. 

“Do I want to know what this is?” Alexis asked, arching one eyebrow. 

Crowley bounced a little on their toes, looking pleased with themselves. “Well, I can assure you it’s not human flesh.” 

Jan yelled in horror in the background. 

Alexis gave them a narrow-eyed look. She hadn’t thought that, but now the idea wasn’t going to leave. “Thanks.” 

They cackled, long fingers beating a quick tattoo on the counter. “Nothing _illegal_ either.” Crowley assured her, pulling out a twenty pound note and putting it on the register. “I’ve got a date and it’s a special topping for them.” 

“Hmm.” Alexis nodded, ringing up the order and offering Crowley their change. Crowley just waved it off and wandered away like they usually did, plopping themselves down in a chair by the front window and playing on their phone, sprawled out like their bones were made of putty. 

Alexis took the box and wandered to the back, where Jan was attempting to hide, badly. “What’d Crawley bring in this time?” She wanted to know, peering at the container. 

Alexis shrugged a shoulder, pulling out the dough and starting the pizza. It wasn’t her job to question what people wanted on a pizza, just to make it. After all, she didn’t have to eat it. And as long as she didn’t have to clean up from it, she didn’t care. 

Jan hovered as Alexis got the dough into shape and on the pan, then covered it in sauce and cheese before grabbing the container and opening it. It was almost a let down, finding small bits of sticky meat rolled in poppy seeds. 

“Is that honey?” Jan commented, wrinkling her nose. 

“Hmm.” Alexis shrugged, picking up a handful and spreading it out over the pizza. The meat was weird, like whatever it was from was small. Really small. It didn’t smell bad though, like roasted fire and cooked honey.

“Hey, Alex.” A devilish grin grew across Jan’s face. “You gonna try it?” 

Alexis gave her a deadpan stare back. “Nope.” 

“Me either.” Jan confessed, then headed back up to the register as another customer came in. Alexis ignored her. Jan wasn’t a bad sort, really. Just a bit on the nosey side. 

There was just enough meat to cover the pizza. She put the pizza in the oven, then got to work on the orders coming in, boxing up pizzas as they came out, setting them up for Jan to hand off. 

Crowley’s order came out of the oven and she boxed it up, stepping up to the front to bring it to Crowley herself. The door opened as she did, a middle-aged guy who looked like a professor, all soft tweeds and tartans came in, looking around the room. 

“Angel.” Crowley straightened, a wide, fond grin on their face as they looked at the man. 

‘Angel’ smiled back, the room suddenly seeming several shades brighter somehow, and less dingy. “There you are, Love.” He walked over to Crowley, kissing their cheek before sitting down. “So this is the place you’ve been raving about.” 

“It is indeed.” Crowley seemed to notice her, giving her a small wave over. “Got a special treat for you.” 

Alexis put the box down onto the table, opening the lid as a little ‘ta-dah!’ gesture. Angel glanced up at her with a delighted look, bluer eyes than she’d ever seen before sparkling at her. “Bless you.” 

“Welcome.” She managed to get out, throat suddenly tight, and suddenly overwhelmed. It felt like she was blessed again, by something different. In the ‘good things will come your way’ sort of way this time. Alexis quickly scurried away, heading for the back as quickly and incongruously as she could. 

She’d never really been religious, but the last thing she wanted to do was bring more attention from whatever it was going on. 

Jan wasn’t even pretending not to be watching when Alexis reached the counter. She felt better once the buffer of the counter was between her and the front, then immediately felt silly for feeling that way. 

Alexis turned around, watching as Crowley watched, completely enamoured as Angel took a bite of the pizza. Angel made a low moan that sounded more like something someone would make in the bedroom than while eating, waving a hand at Crowley, who had a slow growing smug grin on their face. 

“Oh, my dear.” Angel sighed, sounding enraptured as he dabbed at his mouth with a paper napkin. “I haven’t tasted that since-”

“Rome.” Crowley said, sounding fond. “With the-”

“-Oh my goodness, yes!” Angel finished the thought, whatever it was. He took second bite, making another lewd noise. “Seriously, my dear. Where on earth did you find Honeyed Dormice?” 

Jan swatted the air next to Alexis for a moment, before making contact with Alexis’ arm. “ _Dormice_?” She squeaked. 

Really, they should have expected it. Worms, bugs, mice. Crowley not only had a serpent belt and snake skin shoes, they ate like a snake too. 

“Got to have my secrets somehow.” Crowley demurred, watching Angel eat as if it was the most amazing thing in the world, basking in his partner’s delight. 

“I never would have thought to put them on pizza.” Angel sparkled at Crowley, who ducked their _blushed_ like a love-sick tween. “You crafty old snake.” 

It was a weird pet name, but it worked for the two of them. 

They saw a lot of couples here, even a few old married ones, but it was so rare to see another gay couple. Much less older ones, who’d managed to survive this long. 

It made her queer heart happy. 

Alexis watched, wondering how long they’d been together, that they still looked at each other like that, their feet tangled up together under the table. Completely smitten and in love. Finding new places to try, rediscovering old forgotten flavours, talking about past trips.

She wanted that with her girlfriend. 

“Hey.” She nudged Jan, then gestured to the two on their date, and smiled. “Relationship goals.” 

Jan gave her a confused look back, not getting it. Alexis shook her head, wandering to the back to work on other orders. 

She’d tell her girlfriend about it when she got home. Maybe come up with a few cute pet names too. 

-fin-

**Author's Note:**

> Not my usual fare, but the idea wouldn't leave. Spawned off of research about [eating Honeyed Dormice in Antiquity](https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/dormouse-jars-glirarium-rome) and [eating dormice in the Modern World](https://secretcroatia.blog/2012/02/05/eating-dormice-on-hvar-island/), plus some thoughts on [Crowley being genderfluid and wearing women's clothes in modern days](https://icka-notes.tumblr.com/post/186444828783/i-am-glad-neil-gaiman-confirmed-that-crowley-was).  
>   
> I also have a couple of regular petsitting clients who are older lesbians and it makes my queer self overjoyed to see them together and in love. The elderly couple call each other pet names as they dote on each other and their dog and it's delightful. 💖
> 
> Thanks to [CleverCorgi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CleverCorgi/pseuds/CleverCorgi) for the beta.


End file.
